Sunday, January 26, 2014

Never Losing Faith (or Hope)...a TRYING journey to pregnancy

For those of you who read my blog posts on a regular basis, you know that my blog typically features a lot of diy gifts and party planning that I like to share with the planet, hoping that someone could actually benefit from my trials and errors.  For the next few months though, my blog will be chronicling a new part of my life, one that, no doubt, will be filled with immense amounts of planning and DIY craftiness--my pregnancy!!

As many of my followers may know, getting pregnant has been an arduous journey for me and my husband.  We started trying for a baby in May 2012- an exciting process that lead to disappoint as each baby-less month went by.  I never thought that "infertility" would become a word I felt so connect with,  but after about a year of trying, it was obvious that something wasn't quite right.  For those of you to whom conception comes naturally, consider yourself lucky.  With news of any friend's pregnancy came a heart filled with joy, yet a pang of disappointment in myself.  I was tired of sitting and waiting for it to finally be me, so I went to a specialist in May 2013.  I was so hopeful that they would find an immediate "cure" for whatever issues I had, but what I shortly realized was that the various testing they wanted to put me through would be a six month process.  My heart was crushed and, while I still refused to lose hope, my faith was definitely tested.  Ron and I happily went through countless blood tests, ultrasounds, HSGs and other such medical roller coasters, and on November 22, we would find out all of the results and discuss how to best proceed.

God, however, had a different plan.  On November 16, I took a pregnancy test, one I thought was negative, much like the other ones I had taken each month before.  I remember calling my mom and complaining, yelling about how I was so angry with God for doing this to me and asking how I could continue to have faith.  I was over it!  Feeling that good old Catholic guilt for saying such things, I said a little prayer, venting my frustrations to God, hoping he would understand.  The next day, after work, I was cleaning the bathroom, emptying the trash bin and something told me to look back at the test I had taken the night before.  On the test was a faint pink line that I had not seen earlier, one that indicated I was pregnant.  I told Ron, who thought nothing of it, saying it was probably a fluke.  My heart just didn't want to agree.

The next morning, I decided to test again.  Like the other tests, it appeared negative, but after about a minute, a pink positive line showed--bright and strong!  I ran to wake Ron up, who again refused to believe it.  Over the next day, I took about 15 pregnancy tests, all positive.  I couldn't believe it!!  Ron didn't believe it until I went to the doctor to get a check up, and she confirmed the pregnancy.

I am telling this story for two reasons: 1) The Internet can be a dark place for people trying to conceive. There are so many stories of women who try and never conceive and it's easy for a desperate heart to start believing that might be you.  I wish that my story will help restore hope in someone in need, as so many others' stories have helped me to never give up.  2) My blog will now be a place for me to document my pregnancy and baby planning.  In the judgmental world that is social media, please understand that I plan to savor each moment and memory of this miracle I worked hard to create and waited a long time to receive.  If you don't like it, with all do respect, get over yourself.  :)  Thanks!

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